I really don’t like it, but at the same time, i really can’t help it.
there’s always been this thing with me and puzzles and games… knowing there’s something in the way to reach this made up thing that I want. to win. Honestly, in my opinion, it’s a really bad desire, a really bad way to look at things, but in my mind, it’s the simplest way to do things.
In a game, there is a winner, or there is a loser. if you play by yourself, the game itself has won. if you play someone else, well there is always a winner and a loser. In every case, it comes down to luck, or to skill… and those are the games I like to play, skill based things.
but it’s sort of the problem I have… I have the desire to prove something, and it’s not to anyone in particular, or to impress someone, it’s for me… oddly… people play games and challenge other people to prove they can do something to other people, to say they are good at something to the world, but I don’t see myself trying to impress anyone… just myself.
I play these games, not for other people, but for me, to show myself I can be good something, and i know I am. I might not be the greatest at yugioh, but I do feel I am pretty good at it. I might not be the best at league, but i feel if I kept playing, I could get really good at it… and it’s not cockyness, I know where my limits are, i know how much to say, where my place is, and know what i’m capable of, but I just see myself doing so much more with these kind of things… that’s how confident i am in myself, because i know i can get better, i just have to strive and earn it.
But it will probably also be my downfall.. I love challenges, especially with other people, and being called out to one is something that gets me. i don’t know what it is, but I don’t like my abilities being put into question. i guess it’s sort of a guy thing, because i know what i’m good at, I know where I stand and who I am, and i feel, that if you challenge any part of that, you don’t honor it, and I kind of feel offended.
It’s a weird way of thinking… a very destructive one, but so far it hasn’t been bad. I’m not a player to talk shit a lot, or judge other players, i stay under the radar until I’m called out.